The Copier

(I apologize in advance to my roommate, to whom I assured that this blog would not fall into the major category of teaching.)

Today it occurred to me that the one copier that is shared by the fifty plus teachers at my school for the almost nine hundred students who daily attend (Strike that. I should say, "who daily are enrolled...") has enough personality to be famous. Infamous. This copier breaks down on a thrice-daily basis -- and by "breaks down," I do not mean "jams;" it would be obsolete to begin/continue such a record. By "breaks down," I mean to say that the copier (here meaning "one who copies/uses the copier") would necessarily give up his or her endeavor at copying anything and return head-hung-in-disappointment, slowly back to his or her classroom in defeat. Fortunately, my classroom is one of four that is actually right next to the campus copier, so I only have about 10 de-feet (get it??? It's like a pun...) to walk before I can seek solace in the comforts of my own room.

I feel that the Burnett copier would be most accurately portrayed as a character in Dilbert or perhaps a villain in the office-themed remake of The Brave Little Toaster. You know, like an updated version of the dilapidated SLASH cynical radiator who promptly shuts down any seeds of hope which spring from that cuddly, youthful, yet fallibly naive yellow blanky... Poor guy didn't stand a chance. When I get to school at 6:30 every morning bright-eyed and full of SoPo to close the achievement gap by making those nice warm stacks of worksheets and guided notes, I am promptly set back not by my meager breakfast of Handful out of the Giant Carton of Goldfish, and not by the hopeless drama of middle school relationships, but by the Copier of Broken Dreams.

(The fact that I am saving the world through education by killing masses of trees to make--and remake--all these copies is oddly similar to that scene in TBLT where the master's toys have to completely destroy the entire recycling plant in order to be saved and reunited with the master. But I get it. They don't want a new master.)