You need to relax

Catch phrases are quite popular in my life. I can't remember exactly where this one originated, but it was adopted by some college friends and I, and I frequently use it to not-so-subtly encourage someone to calm down. Other synonym-phrase: "You doin' too much," as they say in Oakland. I get the whole catch phrase thing from my family members... my sisters and parents and I probably get some of our favorite phrases from watching too much television, but in a bigger picture sense, the trend comes from my grandfather, Papa. Whenever we are celebrating Papa, we inevitably celebrate his "Papa-isms," half of which have made it into my own everyday diction. Right now my mom's family is all living the lap of luxury at the Kiahuna Resort in Kauai, and we are capitalizing on relaxation and catch phrases (and guava mimosas) for the next week.

One of the best things about coming to Hawaii is the people-watching. Ever since my (brief) career as a teacher, I can't help but judge the parenting skills of pretty much anyone who is around me. Also, Little Sister Erin and I noticed that it's no longer trendy to wear swimsuits that cover one's entire butt. The Islands seem to be full of cancerously tan (or sunburnt) individuals, bratty children, and then there's that large judgmental family who observes everyone else from their prime location on the grassy area. Oh wait, that last is my family. Don't even get me started on that weird guy who works at the towel cabana. "I have an off-white towel for you. We got most of the DNA from the last person off. Just don't use a blacklight on it." (We gave that towel to Erin. I've watched way too much L&O SVU for that nonsense.)

Yesterday I was strolling through the resort grounds with my parents when I saw a young man (age 11-14) running sprints while his dad timed him with a stop watch. This seems like a bit of a ridiculous activity for the vacation itinerary of an adolescent, but I thought it might be a one-time thing, or that I was hallucinating. Until today, when this young man was running laps around my family's grass perch. I was walking my guava mimosa out to the lawn when I almost ran into him (walked into him. I was not running because I'm on vacation.) and he said, "Sorry." I wanted to shout back in his father's direction, "No I'M sorry that you are STILL running!" but I resisted. Incidentally, it is very hard for me to complete my every-other-annual (what is the actual word for that?) read of East of Eden when child abuse is running laps around me. Didn't stop there, either. Twenty minutes later, this kid is running football routes outside of his condo while his older sister makes illegal blocks on him, complete with an evil bitch witch cackle. I hope this family either leaves or I see the child relaxing on the beach in the near future, because looking up the number for Child Protective Services isn't my idea of a good vacation activity.

Hey! You with the stopwatch!? You need to relax.