The Social Security Office

One of my duties at work is to run errands. I like doing it because sometimes when I'm staring at the computer for more than four consecutive hours, I feel like I might go blind. So if everyone else is having a hard time tearing themselves away from their computers to run to Safeway for birthday party food and paraphernalia, then I'm happy to give my eyes some rest. Also, when I was teaching I used to get my exercise by speed-walking through desks during lessons, and now my only exercise is pretty much walking to and from my car. (Oh, and all those early morning jogs I go on, Dad!)

My favorite work errand so far was definitely the trip to The Social Security Office. One of our new employees Those offices are always in the middle of some really weird dilapidated office building. You walk in the building and follow the signs toward the Social Security Office, and then you know you're getting close because the lights start getting dimmer in the hallways and there's "NO CELL PHONES!!!!" signs that make you positive you'll be arrested by that cop who stands just inside the Social Security office if you attempt to check a text message. He's basically a bouncer. There's even a sign above where he stands that strictly instructs you NOT to ask him questions: "The officer does not have any information about social security documents. Do not ask him questions." My subconscious even interrupted me when I started to question the sign... Well, he stands there all day in the Social Security office, you'd think he might pick up a few things while he's just standing there, and he looks really friendly. I'll just ask him a quick-- NO. Do NOT ask him questions.

The Social Security Office loves signs. Their number one goal is to have as little talking as possible. When I again reflect on my former life as a teacher, I empathize with this sentiment. The Social Security Office has determined that the best way to combat talking is with signs. They have signs for everything. The signs tell you not to use your cell phone, not to talk to the security officer, how to fill out the forms, what documents you need, etc. When I was in college, I covered my walls in pretty pictures from magazines. The Social Security Office covers their walls in instructional signs. My favorite is a sign that gives detailed written instructions for how to proceed if you are visually impaired.

The Social Security Office has probably always loved signs. Their new thing, I noticed, is marketing campaigns. They have this Star Trek campaign going on with George Takei and Patty Duke that makes me just beside myself in confusion. The Social Security Office is now trying to trick us into thinking that the Social Security website and application are easy, or even fun!?!? Social Security is neither of those things. Especially if you're coming from another country and you have NO idea what any documents in the United States are. They played this PSA on the TV screen when we were waiting for our number to be called:

You don't have to watch it again. I'll recap:

Patty: You've navigated through astroid belts, right?

George: Oh sure, plenty of times.

Patty: Compared to that, navigating socialsecurity.gov is a snap!

Wait. Raise your hand if you think navigating through astroid belts is easy. That's what I thought. You are the only person raising your hand, George Takei. My takeaway: If you can navigate through astroid belts, you can use this website. So basically only Commanding Officers in outer space can navigate the website. Scary.