l'abri

"people throw away what they could have by insisting on perfection, which they cannot have, and looking for it where they will never find it."
- edith schaeffer


I have been thinking a lot recently about the time I spent at L'Abri in the early months of 2010 in the beautiful countryside of Greatham, England. Appropriate that I think about it during the salvation of this break from school, because I look back at stint at L'Abri as a much-needed step away from the whirlwind of high school, undergrad, and all the sufferings of academia and drama that come along with those.

It was early during my time at L'Abri when I found out that I had been accepted to Teach For America. I took two long weeks to decide definitively that I would rather be jobless in the Bay Area upon my return to the United States (and "real life") than Teaching For The-Charlotte-NC-Part-of America. It seemed that another fate awaited me as I was consequently given an offer for the Bay Area, and after two more long weeks, I accepted.

It was also during my sheltered debrief from school (irony: still in school) (pun intended and here explained: "l'abri" means "shelter" in French) that I questioned whether happiness and worth could be found in success and achievement. My psychoanalyst-"tutor" Merran asked me one day how I would define myself if I couldn't list where I went to school, what I've done, my achievements. For a few long days, I didn't know. Eventually I learned that happiness and worth were more meaningful when found in the people who I care about and who care about me, that achievement and success didn't mean that much.

I wrote and received a lot of letters while I was abroad, having limited phone and internet connection. I think that while I was discovering what really mattered to me - what should matter - I was gathering evidence of the significance of the role of people in my life.

As I think back to this break in my life, I consider a new break in this... phase? career? ...and I wonder if I can get by without lending so much importance to success and achievement in my current occupation. It's a comically un-funny conundrum to think about deemphasizing either of these tenets as I proceed to Teach For America, but a conundrum I may just gather the courage to solve in my own life.